Patsy Porco

On Lint and New Moon

In Humor on October 14, 2009 at 9:08 pm

The other day, as I was driving and applying mascara, I heard a news report that an international airline is thinking about asking its passengers to use the bathroom before boarding their planes so that the passengers will weigh less when they’re onboard. That way, the planes will need to burn a lot less fuel, like 50 tons, or something like that. What I want to know is: what are their passengers eating? What I also want to know is how they’re going to enforce this rule? By passing out laxatives an hour prior to boarding? Will they have someone administering the laxatives and standing over you while you take yours? Remember this summer when Brazil told its citizens to urinate in the shower once a day to save water? I guess it’s safe to say the world is going down the toilet. I recently read that lint-clogged dryer vents present a fire hazard. So, today, as I was walking past the side of the house I normally avoid, I noticed that there was lint all over the window that has the dryer vent in it. So, I decided to wipe the window clean. Looking closer (always a mistake), I noticed the vent was clogged. So I cleaned that. I then thought I should go into the basement and take a look at the hose leading to the vent. Well, things went downhill from there… After moving both the washer and the dryer so I could access the back of the dryer, washing the floor under the washer and dryer, detaching the 127-foot hose from the dryer and the vent in the window, dragging the hose through the house to the side of the house I don’t avoid, squirting water from the garden hose throughout the twisted aluminum dryer hose (while the dog stood at the other end of the dryer hose drinking linty water), dragging it back through the house, and spending 45 minutes reattaching it at both ends (because it’s always easier to detach than attach), I’m thinking I might have to figure the odds of a fire before ever attempting to clean it again.What I want to know is how much of a fire hazard does a dirty vent present? And how long can one go without cleaning one’s vent without worry? And what is the percentage of dryer fires caused by clogged vents? I mean, come on, if I hadn’t read that article, I never would have known that dryer vents had to be cleaned. I’ve spent almost 50 years in the dark on this subject and I didn’t realize how happy I was. Speaking of happy….I found the coolest website. Did you ever have a great idea but didn’t want to go to the trouble of figuring out how to make a prototype of your invention, patent it, manufacture it, and then market it? Well, I did. In fact, I invent something about once an hour, but I was always hoping that I could find a company that would buy my ideas and take care of all of the mundane details. Well, I found the company! If you’re like me, and have more ideas than time, go to http://www.edisonnation.com. They run contests for companies (like Bed, Bath and Beyond; Staples; The Home Depot; and PetSmart) that are looking for the next new thing. It costs $25 (non-refundable) to enter an idea in a specific contest, but if your idea is accepted, they’ll pay you for the idea and give you a percentage of sales. How incredibly cool is that? That’s all for now. The UPS guy just dropped off my full-length hooded cape and body glitter. I wouldn’t think of attending opening weekend of New Moon without them.

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