Patsy Porco

Butt Seriously

In Big Butts, Humor on January 5, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Back when I was a kid—way before computers were a reality—I read that, in the future, humans would rely on their brains far more than on their bodies. Because we’d be sitting and thinking all day (as well as working on mysterious-sounding computers while robots cleaned our homes and made our dinners), our heads would become huge to accommodate our big brains and our bodies would shrink and shrivel up due to inactivity. Drawings of massive heads attached to stick bodies always accompanied the futuristic stories. Nobody ever explained how our little bodies would be able to hold up our gargantuan heads. 

As it turned out, our heads haven’t grown noticeably, but our bodies have expanded because we sit so much (and eat so much). Rear end size has hit an all-time high, and instead of addressing the problem, society has decided to embrace it and make big derrières fashionable, at least for women. (Fat-bottomed men aren’t yet considered desirable; but then Queen didn’t write a song about them.)

You have to marvel at human resiliency. “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” is a sensible approach. As long as the rest of your body isn’t an unhealthy weight, there really isn’t any reason to reject your big bottom. Body shapes go in and out of fashion, just like clothing styles. If you can’t attain a large posterior on your own—some women will have to struggle harder than others— you can now get implants. Butt implants and breast implants are very popular at this point in our evolution. The female form in profile is beginning to look like a cartoonist’s exaggerated rendering. Which isn’t a bad thing. It just takes some getting used to.

I only hope men don’t decide to jump on the butt implant bandwagon. That could really take some getting used to.

 

Check out what indie authors have to offer at www.spbroundup.com.

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