Patsy Porco

Running is Bad for Your Health

In Humor on January 15, 2011 at 2:09 pm

I promise myself every year that I will start running in March. March is when I begin my New Year’s resolutions. For hundreds of years, January and February didn’t exist, so I’m going with that calendar. I don’t like to rush into things. I always try to start a new job on Wednesday, in order to ease myself into the position. But back to running. Despite my annual resolutions, I never did start running. The major reason was laziness but I always blamed it on a story of disputable truth that I heard years ago about a woman who was running and her uterus fell out. That sounded like a good reason to not run. Now that my childbearing years are behind me and I don’t have any need for that particular organ, I can’t use that excuse. Fortunately, I have found another: Running causes saggy skin on your legs At this point in my life, having saggy knees is far more horrifying than a missing uterus.

If I put my mind to it, I’ll bet I could find reasons to not do anything. For instance: If you clean your oven naked, and use oven cleaner, you can burn sensitive areas and they laugh at you at Poison Control when you tell them what happened.

I’m going to need help with this project. Please send me proof of horrible outcomes related to an activity. I’ll post them as I get them, unless I can come up with a reason not to.


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