Patsy Porco

Dirty Crooks

In Humor on April 3, 2015 at 12:24 am

I’m not sure when it started, but I’d say within the last 10 or 15 years. Before then, everyone coughed and sneezed into handkerchiefs or tissues. My father had cloth handkerchiefs. My mother, who did the laundry, hated those things.

My generation preferred tissues. Once in awhile, if a sneeze or cough came on quickly, you’d use your hands. And, if anyone saw you sneeze or cough into your hands, you would loudly announce that you would be back after you washed them. If nobody saw you, however, you were off the hand-washing hook.

Now, it’s all about the elbows. Everywhere you go, everywhere you look, people are sneezing and gagging into the crooks of their elbows. And then they pull out sanitizer and clean their hands. How about cleaning those elbow crooks?

Think about it. How often do you wash your coat, jacket, sweater, or hoodie? Not every day, I’m sure. So, every time someone grabs your elbow, they’re getting a palm full of germs. If you make a habit of using your elbow to sneeze into, those germs have mated with previous germs and there’s a colony living in your elbow crease. And how do we combat this problem? We buy more Purell for our hands.

We must have the cleanest hands of any generation ever. That’s why I don’t understand why some people refuse to shake hands. You aren’t going to catch anything from someone’s hands, especially since you’ll sanitize your hands immediately after shaking. But, you won’t think twice about grabbing someone’s elbow, or hugging someone.

Until now, you’ve probably never worried about catching the plague from elbow grabbing, but now that I’ve alerted you to this scourge, I will offer a solution. I propose that we go back to carrying tissues, but the sanitizing kind. We should have one readily available at all times. Then, the next time a sneeze comes on, we’ll be ready. Immediately after sneezing into our elbow crooks, we can whip out a sanitized hand-wipe and decimate those germs. Not only will you have clean elbow joints, but you can say you wiped out a crook.

  1. It’s deja vu all over again!

  2. I wrote this for you, Gus.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

The Collected Wisdom OF Godfrey

He Was An Odd Young Man WHo DIsliked Beets

Harmony Books & Films, LLC

Tired of being ordinary, then here are some tips for becoming extraordinary.


A blog about writing, society, and life itself

Sally and David's amazing adventures

Tales of two (almost) virgin travellers

The Little Mermaid



Watch Your Thoughts; They Become Words

Aunt Beulah

living well to age well


Food, Road Trips & Notes from the Non-Profit Underground

Dispatches from the Asylum

“The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” ― Douglas Adams

Chomp Chomp Food

Me So Hungry


Cooking and More


It contains the world best places and things.


Dabbles in writing, loves music and nature. Sierra Leonean

Amber & Corde

A journey of expanding my dog's world

Frank Solanki

If you want to be a hero well just follow me

Elan Mudrow


The Renegade Press

Tales from the mouth of a wolf


This site a journey through 2014 - Body and Soul

Leonard's Lines

A world without humor just isn't funny.


The Cricket Pages

Ben's Bitter Blog

"We make bitter better."


What they never taught me in teacher school.


World through my lens

Happiness Between Tails by da-AL

Arts + Cooking + Dancing + Joy + Writing + Tales + Tails


Sabbles woz 'ere

Life In Our Little LA Garden

Spending time in our urban oasis planting seeds and talking about it

Waking Muses

A Creative Writing Project

The Shameful Sheep

shit storms, shame, and stories that make you cringe

The Blog

The latest news on and the WordPress community.

Mara Eastern

I hope to be hysterically hilarious. But maybe I'm just hysterical.


In the sea of dreams.

Bluestem Pond

Diary of the creation of Bluestem Pond Farm


52 weeks. 52 pies.

The Daily Post

The Art and Craft of Blogging

New York Sports Roundup

A fine site


Nancy Roman


A little about everything, a lot about nothing.

The Blog

The latest news on and the WordPress community.

%d bloggers like this: