Patsy Porco

Intentional Singing

In Humor on July 22, 2015 at 6:48 pm

Years and years ago, I remember Kathie Lee Gifford making up a song about her needing a change, and then singing it on her show, “Live! with Regis and Kathie Lee.” I remember it because, as much as I liked Kathie Lee, I hated that song. It was really terrible, almost as awful then as Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” is today.

I love Taylor and her music, but that song must have been dashed off in a fit of pique. It sounds like a derisive chant you’d hear on an elementary school playground.

Anyway, not long after Kathie Lee debuted her song, she announced that she was leaving the show. And right after Taylor sang her song, everybody found out that it was written about Katy Perry and her theft of Taylor’s backup dancers. I don’t know what the repercussions were after Katy heard that song, but bad blood was probably the least of them.

But back to me. My life currently needs a good shaking-up, so I’ll need to write a song to announce my intentions. I’m not yet sure exactly what I want to change, but that shouldn’t delay my work on my song. I’ll just leave a lot of blanks and fill them in when I know the who-what-where-when-whys.

I’m also looking to start a feud with someone so I can compose a revenge song. I started a few arguments recently, but I always felt remorseful and apologized. Maybe my song should be about people who pissed me off in the past but to whom I apologized out of guilt. I could even say that I wasn’t really sorry. I think this song is writing itself.

Because no radio station or talk show is going to air my horrible songs, I’m going to have a very limited audience, unless I locate the customer-service microphone at Walmart, or call in to a sports-talk show under false pretenses and sing really fast before they hang up on me.

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