Patsy Porco

Archive for June, 2016|Monthly archive page

The First Weekend of Summer

In cookouts, Humor, Summer on June 27, 2016 at 1:34 am

If you recall, a few weeks ago, I tried to sell giant hosta plants from my garden on an online garage-sale site, but the site’s administrator asked me to take down my post because my plants were not hosta, but garden-variety weeds. Several people I know asked why the site’s administrator cared if I was selling weeds, as long as they weren’t illegal ones.

I agreed with them, but I preferred not to look like a moron who thought giant weeds were hosta, so I took down the post and spent this Saturday ripping those plants up by the roots. Then today, my husband and I went to a backyard party hosted by our friends, a husband and wife we’ve known for years. While we were there, the husband showed me his very impressive vegetable garden. He was especially pleased with the progress that his rhubarb was making. I took a closer look at the rhubarb and realized that I might have just thrown out ten or fifteen of those plants. The rhubarb plants sure looked like my weeds. But then again, so did hosta. I’m glad that the plants are gone, though. This way, there’s no temptation to make a rhubarb pie that might turn out to be a weed pie.

After the garden tour, we went over to the screened-in deck, where a few of the younger guests were comparing their tattoos. Only one of the older people there had a tattoo — the rhubarb-growing husband. His tattoo was temporary, and was bought and applied by his wife. Temporary or not, his was the popular favorite.

Mike's tattoo

When we got home, I was inspired to check on my vegetable garden. I know that what I planted are actually vegetables because I bought seed packets and they were clearly marked with words and pictures. My vegetables aren’t showing any progress yet, but that’s to be expected since I just planted them a week ago.

The bird feeder, on the other hand, has seen lots of action. I have one of those square suet cages that you fill with a cake composed of congealed fat and seeds. There are small openings in the cage so that only birds can feed from it. Somebody didn’t tell the squirrels, though. For the past few mornings, they’ve been hanging upside down from the lattice fencing around our deck, grabbing the cage with their little squirrel hands, and demolishing the suet. I’ve refilled that cage three times so far this week.

Always the optimist, I also bought a cylindrical bird feeder that is guaranteed to attract finches, and a bag of bird seed. I don’t even know if Connecticut has finches, but since I wouldn’t recognize one anyway, any bird is welcome. Yesterday, I put the new feeder and the bag of seed on our picnic table out on the deck. Today, while we were at the party, my brother was at our house, and he said that he looked out the window and saw at least six squirrels romping on the table. The squirrels had poked holes in the bag and were gorging on the seeds and drunkenly tossing handfuls into the air. He politely told them to go away, and when they ignored him, he threw flip-flops at them until they left. Then he hid the seeds.

After relating this harrowing experience, he suggested that I consider washing down the table before our next cookout. I definitely will, with bleach. But things could have been worse. My next-door-neighbor regularly sees raccoons copulating in broad daylight on her picnic table. Washing that table wouldn’t be an option. I’d have to burn it.

What’s a Drive-Through?

In coffee, Humor on June 25, 2016 at 1:07 pm

My friend, Rosemary Bartlett, posted this on Facebook this morning.

“Stopped for coffee this morning. And see this…”

House of Fun and Games

In family, Humor on June 4, 2016 at 1:38 pm

House of Fun and Games

My family and I try to add a little fun to every day.

We don’t squirt each other with the sink hose or give each other swirlies in the toilet, though. Our games are usually guessing games, and you never know when the game will be played, or by whom, so your guard is always up, which makes life exciting. Here are a few of the games that are enjoyed in our household:

Who Can Guess What’s Causing That Smell in the Refrigerator?

Who Can Ignore Whatever is Causing That Smell in the Refrigerator the Longest?

How Much Trash Will Fit in the Kitchen Trash Can Before There Are Coffee Grinds on The Floor?

Can We Use Up the New Roll of Paper Towels (or Toilet Paper) Before Someone Puts It in Its Holder?

Let’s Wait and See If the Laundry Folds Itself.

Let’s Wait and See if the Laundry Puts Itself Away.

How Many Newspapers Are Needed for the Pile to Touch the Ceiling?

How Long Will It Take for Someone to Put the Dishes in the Sink into the Dishwasher?

How Long Will Our Clean Clothes Last Until We Have to Do Laundry … or Start Smelling Funny?

How Much Dust Can Accumulate Before It’s Noticeable?

Does a Broom Work As Well as a Vacuum on Carpets?

If We Smell Fire, Should We Investigate or Just Assume the Smell is Coming from Outside?

What’s That Thing the Dog Brought In, and Should It Be Thrown Out or Returned to Its Family?

Is It More Time-Efficient to Clean Up Dog Poo in the Yard Every Time or All at Once?

How Many Drinking Glasses Can Be Left on Every Table in the House Before We Run Out?

How Long Will Fruit Flies Hover Over Rotten Fruit?

How Long Can The Toilet Seat Be Loose Before It Falls on the Floor, Along With the Person On It?

And Finally …

Are Food Expiration Dates Merely Suggestions?

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