This Really Happened

I had finished grocery shopping and was about to wheel my full cart into a checkout aisle when I saw the cashier, who was ringing up a customer, look at me and roll her eyes. There was nobody behind her customer, so I figured that she was closing after she was finished with him.

I said, “Is this aisle closed?”

She rolled her eyes again and said, very loudly, “Does it look closed? Don’t you see me ringing up this customer? Isn’t it obvious that I’m open? What makes you think I’m closed? Can’t you—”

At this point, I removed my cart from her aisle, smiled, and responded loudly and overly-sweetly, “Oh-kay, thank you” over her continuing harangue. I took my cart over to the next aisle and didn’t look over at her, for fear of inciting a riot.

When it was my turn to check out, my cashier said to me, “You’re my last customer. Please tell anyone who gets in line behind you that I’m closed.” She rang up my purchases and during the process, a man wheeled his cart in behind me and asked, “Are you closed?”

My cashier smiled at him and said, “Yes.” He then went off to find another cashier. Then she looked at me and said, “I heard what happened. I’m sorry about that.”

I thanked her and then wondered if she only closed her aisle to make me feel better. I hope the cashier next to her learned something about customer service. Probably not.

 

Raise Your Glass

Starting today, I’m never going to drink out of a bottle or can again. Every liquid will be poured into a glass, even if it’s mouthwash. This is the first step in my journey to becoming elegant. Next step: stop sleeping in my Garfield sleeping bag in order to avoid washing sheets. My husband will appreciate this change. His Charlie’s Angels sleeping bag is wearing out.

A Staggering Resolution

Happy New Year! It’s day 7 of 2014 and I have no resolution guilt. It’s not because I didn’t make any resolutions. It’s because I’m staggering their start-dates.

I have a vague list of things that I want to do, or improve, but according to my new strategy, I can start whenever I like. And, if I get to the start-date and don’t feel like starting, I can move the date. And, not all of my resolutions need to be started on the same day; that’s too overwhelming. Let’s say that you decided to diet, exercise, drink less, and quit smoking this year. If you try to begin all of your resolutions on the same day, I can guarantee that, by the end of the day, you’ll be found lying in a drunken heap, wearing work-out gear, and surrounded by ground-out cigarettes and frosted donuts.

I got the resolution-staggering idea from my son. He told me that he was going to attempt some self-improvement, but in increments. That way, if he managed to complete Phase 1 of his resolution, he had kept his resolution. He didn’t fail in his resolution if he never got to Phase 2, because that was a future goal, to be started at a date to-be-determined. In completing Phase 1, he was already a success.

This philosophy is sheer genius. It takes the pressure off trying to do too much, all at once. Let’s call this the Staggering Resolution, and all resolve to try it today … or whenever you feel like it.

2014 Resolutions Are On Track

By the end of last night, January 1, I had completed my first resolution: change over our wardrobes from summer to winter.

Now that all of our summer clothes are packed away, I’m ready to tackle my next resolution: put up the Christmas lights.

A Call From Beyond … And Large Butts

First thought January 1, 2014:

Whenever I call friends and family on the West Coast to wish them a Happy New Year, I tell them I’m calling from the future. It never gets old.

Last thought (that I remember) on December 31, 2013:

WordPress sends all of its bloggers a year-end report, telling the bloggers the number of people who viewed their posts, which posts were the favorites, etc.

Under the category, “What search terms were used to find your blog?” here were the top keywords used: patsy porco blog, patsy porco, and large butts.